Happy Easter ((2010))

How bad is it to wish, and literly wish, death upon your mother and brother. I hate him, and even more then that I hate her for not being able to control him.

I know thats a horrible entry, but its how I feel right now, if the dead can even really feel.

I've been shunned off our little family Easter Egg Hunt and told to go cry up in my room because I refused to let my mother take a picture of me and I went inside after my brother continuously called me a retard.

Thats been his word lately, as if hes not creative enough to come up with something new (hes not). He called me a retard all last night until I hit him on the head, then my mum screamed at me for touching God's perfect fucking creation.

Yah... Up until that my Easter was going pretty good. I cooked dinner, well more like a late lunch.

Oh, and a quick update on yesterday and the day before that a so on.

For Good Friday I went to this guy whom called himself my boyfriend's house, Danny, my last post was inaccurate, I was in a good mood, and it quickly fell through. I told him he wasn't my type that night, because, well, frankly he wasn't...

Ugh, as I type my brother is going through what he got, its a wonder how much of a kiss ass one kid can be, and what a fucking push over one old bag can be. Makes me want to re slit my throat.

God help us all,
~Bekki♥

Nervousness and Over-preparation

Is it possible to die of nervousness and over-prepatation?

No you say?

I think I'm about to make it possible...

Why do I feel this way you ask?

Well careful asking stuff, curiousity melts the brain of the reader.

But I'll tell you just this once, only cause your so darn cute :P

Thursday: Bowling with friends, meting Sara's new boyfriend, carefull this doesn't happen that often :P ily Sara. It also might possible be my first date with my "boyfriend" Daniel Huffman.

Friday: Mums driveing me to Danny's house for a family crawfish boil in which I have to met his family x.x

Now why would I be makeing a big deal out of these little things?

I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT TO WEAR!!!

Ima die...Ima die...Ima die...

Oh wait....

I'm already dead ;DDD

Love now and always,
~Bekki♥

Ego-maniacs and Over-confidents

People who are "Ego-maniacs" or "over-confidents" make me sick to my stomach. Especially if they have nothing to flaunt.

Example:
I have nothing to flaunt, thus, I do not flaunt anything.

It makes me sick to my stomach to see people who have nothing to flaunt but flaunt away anyways. Looks like they need to be smacked down, lol.

Do any of you have a problem with this, or is it just me? :/ Help me out here. Am I really that different? Leave a comment or email me at littleblackpanda@yahoo.com

Love forever and always,
~Bekki♥

Everyone in a Straight Line Please

I can't stand in a line. I mean, I can stand in a line if your not picky. I can't stand directly behind or in front of people without alot of room, even then I can't have a person directly behind me. I just can't... I had a spaz out in 1st grade, I haven't had a problem since...until today... And I can stand in a line, I just have to stand at an angle from the people. Today we had to stand in a line alot... We had to get in a line going to this activity thing... That was the first occurrence. I wasn't trying to stand next to anyone, I wasn't trying to line up in a pair, I was just trying to get some space. I wasn't talking, I was being good, but she wouldn't stop fussing at me. I took deep breaths and closed my eyes long enough for her to leave me alone without any problems though... So it was all good... I did good the rest of the time... Until the end of the day of course... My school doesn't have a buss or anything, so your parents come pick you up or you walk home. Well my school decided it would move quicker if we stood in a line with our grade... I can't stand in a line. Mrs. Smit asked me what was wrong. I started freaking out. I was trying to keep it under control. She made me move to the back. I thanked god, but I was all by myself. And the kept calling me up to talk to her. She asked me what was wrong. She asked me why. She kept talking to me. I couldn't stand it. I kept it almost okay, but I was crying. Not bawling, just sniffling and stuff. Then she accused me of how I handles 1st - 5th grade. I wanted to yell at her that I did freak out in 1st grade, and how no other teacher scolded me for standing at a slight angle. But I was biting my lip. It was horrible. I ran to my car when my dad finally got there.

Spaz Attack: Breathing fast and hard, biting my lip and nails, crying, sniffling, shaking, trembling, stuttering, sweating, and if taken to the extreme I break down into the fetal position.

I'm tempted to ask my mum or dad to wright a note, but it isn't exactly something she's always known about. It's never been a big deal, but I can't handle this again, it might exceed. I can't break up. I hate breaking up...

Love now and always,
~Bekki♥

In the Essence of Waiting

I could never have a wedding ceremony. I can't even handle a full high school homecoming when I feel like everyone is watching me. Talking about me. Judging me. My fat ass in my stupid dress, pretending like I almost look semi okay. Ugh, I could never handle a wedding, where I know everyone is staring at me. I'd die. But its my dream to get married. I want to be a wife. I want to be a mother. On my fourteenth birthday I said, and I still believe, "I was born in the wrong era. I want to be where fourteen means marriage, not high school."

I hate high school. I hate people. They're so cruel, so judgmental. What kinda of decent person has to intentionally be mean, be heartless, to judge someone just so they can feel that much better about themselves. I hate people. I hate all of them, and your kidding yourself if you think your any different. School is a nightmare. Its awful. It kills. School kills decent people all the time.

Love now and always,
~Bekki♥

A moment in time featuring Alex and Zack 01

Bekki: "I am Bekki the lion fierce ruler of the universe!" *weilds her stick around at Alex*

Zack: "More so Bekki the lamb." *chuckles*

Alex: *stands over Bekki takeing her stick* "I heard Bekki the lame."

Bekki: "Your just jealous" *pouts*

Zack: Of what?

Alex: *mocking bekki in key with her* "My mad skills!!!"

Bekki: "..... you suck"

lol, this happened in the woods yesterday when I was walking with Alex and Zack to Fritichi. It was freaking cold :O lol I thought it was funny.

Alex: Hes Zack's "like a brother" friend whom is 7'3, 170 lb and 17 years old. I luffers him sooo much!

Zack: My older brother's friend who watches after me since he moved away. Hes 6'11-7 something in there 210 lb, and 21-22 years old. I love him sooo much!

Long time no posting

Mmm how many times do I have to say Im sorry, you already know I am. I'm afriad this might not be a long post though seeing as I'm on my iPod touch. Oh yes, I blew $200+ on this stupid thing. And i loveee it :))) lol so yah. I'm now very very good about checking my email. So email me at littleblackpanda@yahoo.com

Please? I love hearing from you guys :))) Please? It makes me smile so very much... :D