My family is one of the many. I think my brother is the cause of it most of the time. Dad yells at Mom. I hide. Mom starts crying. Dad sits by me. He swears and complains. Mom goes to room. Brother hides with Mom. Mom calls Dad an ass hold. Dad calls Mom a bitch. Its a never ending cycle. I text Randy. We talk about music. He ask me whats the problem this time. I tell him. I cry. He makes me feel better. I smiles a bit and curl up in bed. Randy tells me his favorite song. I blare it. He says hes sorry its happening. He says its not true what they say. I smiles and say thanks. We text till late. He says happy almost birthday. I whisper I love you. But he can't hear me...
Love for now and always,
~Bekki♥
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Love at First Sight
There is no such thing as "love at first sight". There is lust at first sight. But love is a deeper conection then something you can know by simply viewing someone. It in an un eraseable fact. Love is something you can just take away. Love is a permantent mark you make on someone. Weather they feel the same way or not. Love is the hardest thing to forget. Love is permanent and un eraseable.
Example:
My friend Kitty. I love her. I'm not inlove with her. But I would do next to anything for her. Same thing with Sarah and Randy. I love them. They're all I have to hold onto. No fight could ever tear it away. No amount of rejection Randy could give me would stop me from doing everything in my power for his happiness. Thats why I'm okay with us ignoreing each other in public. I would do the same for Kitty or Sarah in a heartbeat. Thats how love it. Doing absolutely anything for one another. Weather its a friend or family. Its an un eraseable fact. Its unforgetable.
Lust on the otherhand. Is lasting only a short time and is easy to forget. Its something that quickly happens and quickly ends. Its part of life. Its something everyone will feel. Its how you handle it that defines who you are. Weather you give in and are captivated by it being "love" or if you see through its insecurity and don't react stupidly apon it.
Your voice is the enemy of yourself. For so many stupid unthought out things are spoken. So many hurtful things that you don't relize. Things that may cause emotional distress to another. Which they may act stupidly on. Like takeing a cup of mixed pills. Or anything at all. Don't let your voice take control of your life. Think before you speak. And speak slowly but surely.
Love for now and always,
~Bekki♥
Example:
My friend Kitty. I love her. I'm not inlove with her. But I would do next to anything for her. Same thing with Sarah and Randy. I love them. They're all I have to hold onto. No fight could ever tear it away. No amount of rejection Randy could give me would stop me from doing everything in my power for his happiness. Thats why I'm okay with us ignoreing each other in public. I would do the same for Kitty or Sarah in a heartbeat. Thats how love it. Doing absolutely anything for one another. Weather its a friend or family. Its an un eraseable fact. Its unforgetable.
Lust on the otherhand. Is lasting only a short time and is easy to forget. Its something that quickly happens and quickly ends. Its part of life. Its something everyone will feel. Its how you handle it that defines who you are. Weather you give in and are captivated by it being "love" or if you see through its insecurity and don't react stupidly apon it.
Your voice is the enemy of yourself. For so many stupid unthought out things are spoken. So many hurtful things that you don't relize. Things that may cause emotional distress to another. Which they may act stupidly on. Like takeing a cup of mixed pills. Or anything at all. Don't let your voice take control of your life. Think before you speak. And speak slowly but surely.
Love for now and always,
~Bekki♥
Walking Disaster
I haven’t been home a while
I’m sure everything’s the same
Mom and Dad both in denial
And only jokes to take the blame
Sorry, Mom, but I don’t miss you
Father’s no name you deserve
I’m just a kid with no ambitions
Wouldn’t come home for the world
Never know what I’ve become
The king of all that’s said and done
The forgotten son
This city’s buried in defeat
I walk along these no-name streets
Wave goodbye to home
As I fall…
At the dead-end I begin
To burn a bridge of innocence
Satisfaction guaranteed
A pillow-weight catastrophe
Our own mission now
here bound
Inhibitions underground
A shallow grave I
Have dug all by myself
And now I’ve been gone for so long
I can’t remember who was wrong
All innocence is long gone
I pledge allegiance to a world of disbelief
Where I belong
A walking disaster
The son of all bastards
You regret you made me
It’s too late to save me
You regret you made me
It’s too late to save me
As far as I can tell
It’s just voices in my head
Am I talking to myself?
‘Coz I don’t know what I just said
And she said
As far as where I fell
Maybe I’m better off dead
Am I at the end of nowhere
Is this as good as it gets?
And now I’ve been gone for so long
I can’t remember who was wrong
All innocence is long gone
I pledge allegiance to a world of disbelief
Where I belong
A walking disaster
The son of all bastards
You regret you made me
It’s too late to save me
To save me, to save me, to save me
It’s too late
It's too late
To save me, to save me, to save me, to save me
And now I’ve been gone for so long
I can’t remember who was wrong
All innocence is long gone
I pledge allegiance to a world of disbelief
Where I belong
A walking disaster
The son of all bastards
You regret you made me
It’s too late to save me
I will be home in a while
You don’t have to say a word
I can’t wait to see you smile
Wouldn’t miss it for the world
I will be home in a while
You don’t have to say a word
I can’t wait to see you smile
Wouldn’t miss it for the world
Watch the video here.
Got the lyrics from here.
I am very emotional to this song. From begining to end. I love the ending though. I remember running when I woke up from my death. I remember hiding at a park I used to play at. I sat there on the swing in just a towel. I remembered everytime I had been there. I sat there for hours. And waited for the sun to come up.
I’m sure everything’s the same
Mom and Dad both in denial
And only jokes to take the blame
Sorry, Mom, but I don’t miss you
Father’s no name you deserve
I’m just a kid with no ambitions
Wouldn’t come home for the world
Never know what I’ve become
The king of all that’s said and done
The forgotten son
This city’s buried in defeat
I walk along these no-name streets
Wave goodbye to home
As I fall…
At the dead-end I begin
To burn a bridge of innocence
Satisfaction guaranteed
A pillow-weight catastrophe
Our own mission now
here bound
Inhibitions underground
A shallow grave I
Have dug all by myself
And now I’ve been gone for so long
I can’t remember who was wrong
All innocence is long gone
I pledge allegiance to a world of disbelief
Where I belong
A walking disaster
The son of all bastards
You regret you made me
It’s too late to save me
You regret you made me
It’s too late to save me
As far as I can tell
It’s just voices in my head
Am I talking to myself?
‘Coz I don’t know what I just said
And she said
As far as where I fell
Maybe I’m better off dead
Am I at the end of nowhere
Is this as good as it gets?
And now I’ve been gone for so long
I can’t remember who was wrong
All innocence is long gone
I pledge allegiance to a world of disbelief
Where I belong
A walking disaster
The son of all bastards
You regret you made me
It’s too late to save me
To save me, to save me, to save me
It’s too late
It's too late
To save me, to save me, to save me, to save me
And now I’ve been gone for so long
I can’t remember who was wrong
All innocence is long gone
I pledge allegiance to a world of disbelief
Where I belong
A walking disaster
The son of all bastards
You regret you made me
It’s too late to save me
I will be home in a while
You don’t have to say a word
I can’t wait to see you smile
Wouldn’t miss it for the world
I will be home in a while
You don’t have to say a word
I can’t wait to see you smile
Wouldn’t miss it for the world
Watch the video here.
Got the lyrics from here.
I am very emotional to this song. From begining to end. I love the ending though. I remember running when I woke up from my death. I remember hiding at a park I used to play at. I sat there on the swing in just a towel. I remembered everytime I had been there. I sat there for hours. And waited for the sun to come up.
Hair
I hate my hair. I think its growing even slower since I died. I really need to dye it. My mom wants me to wait. But I don't want to. Its this orange pink blonde thing. And I have dirty blonde roots growing in. It looks so retarded. But my mom thinks if I dye it again my hair might fall out. She said I should save up for a wig so I don't have to dye my hair everytime I get bored. But I don't like wigs. They're way to expensive and the only one I've ever seen that I like I can't find anymore.
I like scene hair. But not wild scene hair. More of a layered puffy look. Not the extreme. I wish I could find I site with decent chep wigs. I like sinthetic hair better then human hair. Human hair makes me feel icky. Thats why my extensions are sinthetic.
If you know a wig send me a link to it for sure.
Love now and always,
~Bekki♥
I like scene hair. But not wild scene hair. More of a layered puffy look. Not the extreme. I wish I could find I site with decent chep wigs. I like sinthetic hair better then human hair. Human hair makes me feel icky. Thats why my extensions are sinthetic.
If you know a wig send me a link to it for sure.
Love now and always,
~Bekki♥
Friday, August 7, 2009
Tell Him How You Feel
She wants me to tell him how I feel. The she in this sentance is Sarah. My dear friend but she is so stuborn and dempt on getting me and this him figure together. The him in this sentance is Randy. Yes Randy hes in this thing again. I was actually planning on not writeing about him. Some how I got sucked it. Lets call it his deadly charm.
Seriously. Its deadly. And it will be the death of me. Well second death. Hmmm. I miss being alive. For the sole purpose its harder to type this way. But hey. At least my fingers aren't stiff like most differently biotics out there.
Back on task. My dear living Randy. We text always. Except the past two days because I let my phone die and haven't charged it. Even the dead are lazy. I tell him everything that I tell no one else. And he tells me stuff I doubt he tells other people. You know how guys are.
Randy and I have built a friendship I am happy with. We have this trust thing. And I see it as it bonds us together. I would never tell a soul his secrets. Living or dead. Or undead for that matter. Ha. I made a funny. Yah shut up only your mum laughs at you jokes.
So Sara. Shes nice. Different. But nice. Her and Kitty are good friends. She was the first to accept both of us after we came back. A true angle for the dead she is. Ha. That was a joke to. Like the angle of dead, angle for the dead. No. Joke fail. Shut up v.v
Love for now and always,
~Bekki♥
Seriously. Its deadly. And it will be the death of me. Well second death. Hmmm. I miss being alive. For the sole purpose its harder to type this way. But hey. At least my fingers aren't stiff like most differently biotics out there.
Back on task. My dear living Randy. We text always. Except the past two days because I let my phone die and haven't charged it. Even the dead are lazy. I tell him everything that I tell no one else. And he tells me stuff I doubt he tells other people. You know how guys are.
Randy and I have built a friendship I am happy with. We have this trust thing. And I see it as it bonds us together. I would never tell a soul his secrets. Living or dead. Or undead for that matter. Ha. I made a funny. Yah shut up only your mum laughs at you jokes.
So Sara. Shes nice. Different. But nice. Her and Kitty are good friends. She was the first to accept both of us after we came back. A true angle for the dead she is. Ha. That was a joke to. Like the angle of dead, angle for the dead. No. Joke fail. Shut up v.v
Love for now and always,
~Bekki♥
The Night I Died
I decided it would be okay to do this entry. I don't like talking about it. But I've heard shareing it makes you feel more "open".
So here it is.
I was about to take a shower. I was looking around on my counter for something to hold my hair up. I found this head ache medicine and got side tracked reading the back warning lable. Only take one and keep them separated some two hours from the last. If not something about it makeing your blood turn green that proves to be fatal. I looked at my anti depresants and this other medication my Dad bought me to help the voices subside. I poured them all into a cup and went into the shower setting the cup on the side of the tub.
I went about washing my hair and body as normal stareing at the cup the whole time. I think I was crying but I'm not sure. Finally I sat down letting the warm water roll over me. I looked down at the scars on my wrist. They looked so bulgey and pathetic. I put my hand in the cup and took a pill and swallowed it. Then another. One after another until the cup was empty. I took a drink of water and stood up. I ran my fingers through my hair to make sure there was no soap still in it. My vision was begining to blurr. I washed my face. As I rinsed it I was begining to feel dizzy. I held the side of the tub for support. Then I fell over. I was laying in the tub as I began to stop feeling the warm water. As I began to go numb.
I closed my eyes and thought about my birthday which was the day before. I thought about what high hopes I had for it. And how no one showed up. How my sister had ditched me because he friend had spent the night that night. It was begining to get hard to breath. My head felt like it was on fire. I thought about everyone who had ever rejected me. I laied there wishing that this would give the time they had wasted on me back. I thought of what a good deed I was doing. Then I relized. Is it worth it?
Thats when I died. I saw no light. Only darkness... I watched myself turn to gray in a dark nothing space. I felt my heart stop beating. I felt my blood go cold.
Habits
I have an aweful habit. When something is about to happen I put every ounce of hope into it. And I always get let down and cry for days.
Example:
Eighth grade graduation. My juinor high put alot into it. We had a ceremony, a dinner, and an after part. The dinner was a formal dinner at a really fancy place. And after the dinner we were gonna go midnight bowling. I got this pixi style long strapless dress and extentions for the dinner. My dress frayed and I didn't notice how raggedy it really looked until after I was at the dinner. And my extentions looked aweful.
This guy, we'll call him Erin, made fun of me constantly. Hes Randy's best friend. He didn't stand up for me once. I let my heart fall... When I came home before going bowling I changed into this cute outfit. A corset I got from hott topic and these dark skinny torn and faded jeans. I put my black jacket on and left. I got to the bowling alley late. But with high hopes. Everyone had a lane already. There was no room for me. I stood there for about 45 minuets waiting for someone to say something to me after fetal attempts to say hi to my dear friend Kitty... But even she turned me away.
I couldn't believe no one would talk to me. Not even my so called "friends" would look at me. I went to the bathroom and cried my black eyes out. I cried in there for 1 hour and 15 minuets until my mom was there to pick me up and found me in there. People from my class even came into the bathroom. Heard me crying. Ignored me. I came out with a black tear striken face. Heart broken and lost. My mom led me to the car. About a month after that she bought me anti depresants...they never worked for anything but suicide.
Love for now and always,
~Bekki♥
Example:
Eighth grade graduation. My juinor high put alot into it. We had a ceremony, a dinner, and an after part. The dinner was a formal dinner at a really fancy place. And after the dinner we were gonna go midnight bowling. I got this pixi style long strapless dress and extentions for the dinner. My dress frayed and I didn't notice how raggedy it really looked until after I was at the dinner. And my extentions looked aweful.
This guy, we'll call him Erin, made fun of me constantly. Hes Randy's best friend. He didn't stand up for me once. I let my heart fall... When I came home before going bowling I changed into this cute outfit. A corset I got from hott topic and these dark skinny torn and faded jeans. I put my black jacket on and left. I got to the bowling alley late. But with high hopes. Everyone had a lane already. There was no room for me. I stood there for about 45 minuets waiting for someone to say something to me after fetal attempts to say hi to my dear friend Kitty... But even she turned me away.
I couldn't believe no one would talk to me. Not even my so called "friends" would look at me. I went to the bathroom and cried my black eyes out. I cried in there for 1 hour and 15 minuets until my mom was there to pick me up and found me in there. People from my class even came into the bathroom. Heard me crying. Ignored me. I came out with a black tear striken face. Heart broken and lost. My mom led me to the car. About a month after that she bought me anti depresants...they never worked for anything but suicide.
Love for now and always,
~Bekki♥
Battles...
So theres this guy. I've known him for nearly three years. Online though. He lives in Australia. I've had a crush on him for as long as I can remember. Hes always pushed me away though, I could never help it. Well a little over a year ago he said he liked me too. And we've always been like that. Because hes a sexy australian every girl falls for and I'm not good enough.
Today. After I mentioned my birthday and he said he wanted to read my blog. He blew up at me. He told me to block and remove me from hes friend's list. I refused. I was scared that would make it mean forever. So he invited one of his friends to the conversation. His friend called me a fat whore and some other things. When he agreed to what his friend said my heart dropped. If I could I would have thrown up. But I can't eat...yet... So of course after five minuets of him yelling at me to F off and some other things I did as he told me to. I'm so sorry I wasn't everything he wanted. But I can't change me. No matter how hard I try.
When I blocked him. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I couldn't believe it. But I'm still to sad to do anything about it.
To clear something up, because I feel like a whore because of all the "love" in my blog. The 18 year old, we will call him Tommy. Tommy, I don't love him. I was just saying according to Terrel's definition I "love" him. The second guy. The guy I play frisbe with and stuff. We'll call him Randy, kay? I dated him once. I don't know how I feel about him. He was an odd relationship. I never really consider us to have ever dated. We never went on a date. We saw eachother at school back when he wasn't scared to talk to me in public. That came along when I died. I always thought after he dumped me. Maybe when we're a bit older. Maybe we could try again. Obviously thats not going to happen now. But I do love him... I'm just not inlove with him.
This guy. We'll call him Jared. I could have been inlove with Jared. He was talking about comeing to America. He was going to go see our friend who I'll call Perry. But he wasn't going to come see me. Thats when his love proved fake to me. Parry lives a state away from me. Parry doesn't like me much. Because Parry is bi with a gay crush on Jared. So Parry hates me. Because I've always been what stands between Parry and Jared. I would have moved if he would have ask. I would have done anything. All he had to do was ask.
I hear my parents fighting upstairs. And I hear my brother crying... I have to deal with this.
Love now and forever,
~Bekki♥
Today. After I mentioned my birthday and he said he wanted to read my blog. He blew up at me. He told me to block and remove me from hes friend's list. I refused. I was scared that would make it mean forever. So he invited one of his friends to the conversation. His friend called me a fat whore and some other things. When he agreed to what his friend said my heart dropped. If I could I would have thrown up. But I can't eat...yet... So of course after five minuets of him yelling at me to F off and some other things I did as he told me to. I'm so sorry I wasn't everything he wanted. But I can't change me. No matter how hard I try.
When I blocked him. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I couldn't believe it. But I'm still to sad to do anything about it.
To clear something up, because I feel like a whore because of all the "love" in my blog. The 18 year old, we will call him Tommy. Tommy, I don't love him. I was just saying according to Terrel's definition I "love" him. The second guy. The guy I play frisbe with and stuff. We'll call him Randy, kay? I dated him once. I don't know how I feel about him. He was an odd relationship. I never really consider us to have ever dated. We never went on a date. We saw eachother at school back when he wasn't scared to talk to me in public. That came along when I died. I always thought after he dumped me. Maybe when we're a bit older. Maybe we could try again. Obviously thats not going to happen now. But I do love him... I'm just not inlove with him.
This guy. We'll call him Jared. I could have been inlove with Jared. He was talking about comeing to America. He was going to go see our friend who I'll call Perry. But he wasn't going to come see me. Thats when his love proved fake to me. Parry lives a state away from me. Parry doesn't like me much. Because Parry is bi with a gay crush on Jared. So Parry hates me. Because I've always been what stands between Parry and Jared. I would have moved if he would have ask. I would have done anything. All he had to do was ask.
I hear my parents fighting upstairs. And I hear my brother crying... I have to deal with this.
Love now and forever,
~Bekki♥
First Day of High School
So my first day of school was...well...pretty bad actually. I got alot of funny looks when I first walked in. And a teacher mistakenly said "Are you sure you belong here" when I showed up on campus. Funny cause I was in the school uniform. I got to a private baptist christian school. I think the vice princapal was makeing a statement when she accepted me. Or doing god a favor. The "teacher's aid" hates me, I know it. She yelled at me multiple times. I do mean yell as in raise her voice. She glared at me too...alot...
My major complaint about the school. When I was alive I didn't regenerate heat at the normal rate as everyone else. Its an actual disorder. So now that I'm un dead I like to try to be like I was when I was living. Maybe it will help me feel more alive. So I wore the hoodie that I bought from my school's store which is the only hoodie you are promited to wear. But I was told to take it off today Monday it will be a dress code vialation...Really?
So I decided its time to talk to my best friend... She died in...Lets call it a mis adventure? Her name is Kitty. Shes undead obviously. We were friends before she died and before I died. She accepted me when I retured and I except her. She is a "fast" zombie like me. We both have no pauses and rarely any when we talk and we can walk like normal people. She might be comeing over sometime and I will upload a few pictures of her.
Love now and forever,
~Bekki♥
My major complaint about the school. When I was alive I didn't regenerate heat at the normal rate as everyone else. Its an actual disorder. So now that I'm un dead I like to try to be like I was when I was living. Maybe it will help me feel more alive. So I wore the hoodie that I bought from my school's store which is the only hoodie you are promited to wear. But I was told to take it off today Monday it will be a dress code vialation...Really?
So I decided its time to talk to my best friend... She died in...Lets call it a mis adventure? Her name is Kitty. Shes undead obviously. We were friends before she died and before I died. She accepted me when I retured and I except her. She is a "fast" zombie like me. We both have no pauses and rarely any when we talk and we can walk like normal people. She might be comeing over sometime and I will upload a few pictures of her.
Love now and forever,
~Bekki♥
Words from Antterrellpegues III
mm.sex..for some people its a pretyy hard subject..sex is like eatin ur favorite chocalate..as soon as u bite into it..it gives u a orgasim...sex..is something people regret doin.but crave it almost all the time..sex is so unique..touchin each other ..warm skin touchin warm skin..getin that special feelin.when u look into each others eyes..when all fears go away...not thinkin wat so ever..just letin ur heart lead the way..its amazin seein ur love mate with no cloths..and usaly the men be the one that takes control..usinpart of ur body u though u was only gonna use for one thing..but now urusin it for two..feelin that effection..not denyin anythin request or suggestion each other say...sex is nuthin with out love..so could it be love or sex?
10:35 PM
i love u bekki
10:37 PM
wat could i do with out u
10:38 PM
ps.ilove u bekki
10:39 PM
Got that last night... Hope you like it. I posted the ending because he'll get mad at me later ^^ Hes delusional though. He barely knows me. I call his love lust. And the fact that I posted that he'll never let me hear the end of. So long for now.
Love for ever and always,
~Bekki and Antterrellpegues♥
10:35 PM
i love u bekki
10:37 PM
wat could i do with out u
10:38 PM
ps.ilove u bekki
10:39 PM
Got that last night... Hope you like it. I posted the ending because he'll get mad at me later ^^ Hes delusional though. He barely knows me. I call his love lust. And the fact that I posted that he'll never let me hear the end of. So long for now.
Love for ever and always,
~Bekki and Antterrellpegues♥
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Words from Antterrellpegues II
they say we may never know ..wat we have .until we loose it.but how can u find out .when u have nobody
.they say livin life is easy..but diein is hard..i say no u have it backwards..they say u always find person thats just about the same as u.u cant always judge a book by its cover..sometimes i think ..if only i wasnt in this world ..would it make it better?..would people stop killin and rapin..and stealin..would they stop liein ..keep getin heart broken..but all of us may never have a chance to answer them and so we wait ..until.......there is no heaven or hell there is no belief ..there is no color .there is no feelin .no love ...just dark and light...hot and cold..
So he promised to write me another. Its acctually good if you can read his grammar, which I actually have problems doing. Its supposed to be on sex but I think hes just teaseing me. Oh I can't wait ^^
Love for now and forever,
~Bekki and Antterrellpegues ♥
.they say livin life is easy..but diein is hard..i say no u have it backwards..they say u always find person thats just about the same as u.u cant always judge a book by its cover..sometimes i think ..if only i wasnt in this world ..would it make it better?..would people stop killin and rapin..and stealin..would they stop liein ..keep getin heart broken..but all of us may never have a chance to answer them and so we wait ..until.......there is no heaven or hell there is no belief ..there is no color .there is no feelin .no love ...just dark and light...hot and cold..
So he promised to write me another. Its acctually good if you can read his grammar, which I actually have problems doing. Its supposed to be on sex but I think hes just teaseing me. Oh I can't wait ^^
Love for now and forever,
~Bekki and Antterrellpegues ♥
Words from Antterrellpegues
He told me to put an entry with this in it... Not sure if he was serious. He'll yell at me later if he wasn't.
Antterrellpegues:
your are a person that went through a lot of stuff but for some reason i seem to like u..evenin thinkin we r not the same color.dpnt like the same thing..but just becuss we r both humans.i know i only known u for a little..little while..i truly support wat u r doin..u experience something 1 and a million couldnt experience..bein dead.it amaze me how u can be here to tell the story..even know ur still dead..i respect u ..ur pretty cjute and new to stuff..like a new born child that dosent know how to walk.
Antterrellpegues:
i question myself [why am i still talkin to this person after all the stuff she told me]becuss she have balls to say that ..and rare of a person.
Antterrellpegues:
sorry if i sound stupid
I think Ima try to talk him into actually writeing a guest blog sometime. If he agrees there will be a Words from antterrellpegues II. If not there won't be. Whatever ^^
Love now and forever,
~Bekki and Antterrellpegues♥
By the way don't you think Antterrellpegues totally sound like Roman or something? ^^
Antterrellpegues:
your are a person that went through a lot of stuff but for some reason i seem to like u..evenin thinkin we r not the same color.dpnt like the same thing..but just becuss we r both humans.i know i only known u for a little..little while..i truly support wat u r doin..u experience something 1 and a million couldnt experience..bein dead.it amaze me how u can be here to tell the story..even know ur still dead..i respect u ..ur pretty cjute and new to stuff..like a new born child that dosent know how to walk.
Antterrellpegues:
i question myself [why am i still talkin to this person after all the stuff she told me]becuss she have balls to say that ..and rare of a person.
Antterrellpegues:
sorry if i sound stupid
I think Ima try to talk him into actually writeing a guest blog sometime. If he agrees there will be a Words from antterrellpegues II. If not there won't be. Whatever ^^
Love now and forever,
~Bekki and Antterrellpegues♥
By the way don't you think Antterrellpegues totally sound like Roman or something? ^^
Love?
Yes I am doing an entry on love. Only because a think my friend said really made me think...
antterrellpegues:
okay love is not about ..i like u ..will ju go out with me..nuthin like ..its not like getin the prettyest person..love is findin some 1 ..thats totaly out of ur lead different thenn ..if u and that person spark something..and he or she understand u..and u get dioferent feelin for that person every time yall speak..love is ..everytime u and that person talk ..he or she always say sometyhing to make u happi..evenin when that person is bein a jerk..u still wanna talk to him or her..
antterrellpegues:
thats love
Bekkeh:
Doesn't make seanse
okay love is not about ..i like u ..will ju go out with me..nuthin like ..its not like getin the prettyest person..love is findin some 1 ..thats totaly out of ur lead different thenn ..if u and that person spark something..and he or she understand u..and u get dioferent feelin for that person every time yall speak..love is ..everytime u and that person talk ..he or she always say sometyhing to make u happi..evenin when that person is bein a jerk..u still wanna talk to him or her..
antterrellpegues:
thats love
Bekkeh:
Doesn't make seanse
Love has been a very iffy subject for me. When I was alive I only ever had two real boyfriends. And I've only been kissed once. I got kissed after I died by my dear Ben-Ben. I actually have a picture of it.
He did edit it though. My hair was a lighter red. And my skin is a grayer paler form of that. But I really like the picture. Hes the only guy in the world I think would ever willingly kiss a dead girl. I was so happy to be kissed I think I was floating.
Unfortunately Ben-Ben and I were never together and I would rather not post the two guys names I did date before I was dead because they just might read this.
So on the subject of love. And the defination my dear friend gave me from his point of veiw. I actually have someone who makes me feel like that. But many things would complicate us ever being together.
1) I'm differently biotic and hes is a traditional biotic.
2) I am going on 14 and he is going on 18.
3) He just happens to have a girlfriend who is the amount of perfect I wish I could amount to.
On the brighter side of things I have learned to live with it. Again with that word. Dead with it doesn't sound so right though. Should I just keep saying "life" and "live" even though I'm dead? What do you think? Also, what is your definition on "love" and do you have it in you life?
On another side of this topic I have a best friend. We are really close, but when we see each other in public we just pretend we never talk. Hes popular and I'm dead. I hate that its like that but it is. I can't change it. But I can't help it, when we're together and no one is around. I'm happy. I feel like everything is perfect. Like I'm alive and nothing ever happened. I find it funny though. When we have something on our mind. We like to toss the frisbe while we talk. If you've ever read Generation Dead you will get why I'm such a Pheobe x Adam fan now. Only my Adam still ignores me and I'm not a beautiful living Pheobe. I'm a dead girl.
On a happy note I have totally mastered drinking. Most diferently biotics can't drink or eat. That need leaves them when they die. But I can drink... Though I wonder where it goes. I only drink when I'm trying to piss a living person off or just want to do it. It makes me feel acomplished. And I swear I can feel the liquid run down my throat. Its so cool!
Anyways now that I've taken time out of your life.
Love now and forever,
~Bekki.
By the way because I know hes gonna read this. I apologize for my friends aweful gramar. I hope you can read it... Its not his fault he can't type. Please forgive him... I mean I love you?
Zombi Meme
My Zombie Meme ^^ Told you I'd post it.
1. How did you die? Over dose in the shower
2. How long have you been gone? Almost a year... Died the day after my thirtenth birthday
3. Death age/true age? 13/13 Turning 14 August 9th
4. What do you miss most about being alive? Nothing
5. What, if anything, is cool about being a zombie? Everything. I love my eyes, I love my hair. My skin looks the same though
6. How did your family react to you coming back? Not so good, yah know
7. Most humiliating moment as a zombie? I bit my thumb hard enough to peirce the skin without knowing it until some girl on the buss across from me screamed... Not allowed to ride the buss anymore...
8. Visible signs of zombiism? My hair is lighter, but my skin looks the same though. My eyes are beautiful though. They're white but with a little blue and gray
9. Goals/ambition? To find the love I never had when I was alive
10. "If I were alive today, I would..." I would have died the exact same way...
So there ^^
Read the original here. ***click***
If you are another differently biotic girl or boy you should fill it out to if you already haven't. And send me a link so I can read it ^^.
Love forever,
~Bekki♥
1. How did you die? Over dose in the shower
2. How long have you been gone? Almost a year... Died the day after my thirtenth birthday
3. Death age/true age? 13/13 Turning 14 August 9th
4. What do you miss most about being alive? Nothing
5. What, if anything, is cool about being a zombie? Everything. I love my eyes, I love my hair. My skin looks the same though
6. How did your family react to you coming back? Not so good, yah know
7. Most humiliating moment as a zombie? I bit my thumb hard enough to peirce the skin without knowing it until some girl on the buss across from me screamed... Not allowed to ride the buss anymore...
8. Visible signs of zombiism? My hair is lighter, but my skin looks the same though. My eyes are beautiful though. They're white but with a little blue and gray
9. Goals/ambition? To find the love I never had when I was alive
10. "If I were alive today, I would..." I would have died the exact same way...
So there ^^
Read the original here. ***click***
If you are another differently biotic girl or boy you should fill it out to if you already haven't. And send me a link so I can read it ^^.
Love forever,
~Bekki♥
Storms
So its storming here. With thunder and lighning. And I'm totally scared of thunder and lightning. Life sucks. Or rather dead sucks. Hmmm I wonder how one should phrase that. Hehe. So I decided I want to list all forms to comunicate with me. Cause I love friends. Though I must say I don't get along with girls very well. I don't really know why. But if you wanna try thats cool.
I have MSN which is strawsrant@hotmail.com
I have Yahoo which is littleblackpanda@yahoo.com
I have Myspace click here.
I have Youtube username is hihipeoples.
Hmmm what else is there... I will reply to all comments, unless I don't feel the need to.
My username here is Bekki, duh.
My username here is LilMissPanda.
Okay so Ima talk about the last site. Because the only reason I put it up there is...well just to do it. And my best friend is the site owner (who frequently lets the server crash). And I luffer him so much. Its a role playing game (rpg for short) and its really fun. Its not really big or anything so I don't get overwhelmed by it. And its decently maintained so I can bare it (unlike a certain site which will remained un named *cough*therealninja-rpg.com*cough*).
I get on Yahoo enough to post it without saying you might have to wait a week for a reply. I get on MSN just about everyday. I'm kind of straying away from Myspace though. No one really messages me on there anymore :'( I rarely check my inbox on YouTube though. As for the last two I get on them constantly. But currently CoF (www.chains-of-fate.com) is down cause my friend let the server crash again. By the way, pay no attention to my technical talk. He probably didn't let the server crash, and the server probably didn't crash. I dunno what happened so I decided to call it that.
So I dunno... I'll post my Zombi Meme later...
I have MSN which is strawsrant@hotmail.com
I have Yahoo which is littleblackpanda@yahoo.com
I have Myspace click here.
I have Youtube username is hihipeoples.
Hmmm what else is there... I will reply to all comments, unless I don't feel the need to.
My username here is Bekki, duh.
My username here is LilMissPanda.
Okay so Ima talk about the last site. Because the only reason I put it up there is...well just to do it. And my best friend is the site owner (who frequently lets the server crash). And I luffer him so much. Its a role playing game (rpg for short) and its really fun. Its not really big or anything so I don't get overwhelmed by it. And its decently maintained so I can bare it (unlike a certain site which will remained un named *cough*therealninja-rpg.com*cough*).
I get on Yahoo enough to post it without saying you might have to wait a week for a reply. I get on MSN just about everyday. I'm kind of straying away from Myspace though. No one really messages me on there anymore :'( I rarely check my inbox on YouTube though. As for the last two I get on them constantly. But currently CoF (www.chains-of-fate.com) is down cause my friend let the server crash again. By the way, pay no attention to my technical talk. He probably didn't let the server crash, and the server probably didn't crash. I dunno what happened so I decided to call it that.
So I dunno... I'll post my Zombi Meme later...
Introduction
Hello my name is Bekki. I am 3 days away from being 14. I died nearly a year ago. Yes died as in I was dead and now im UNdead. Like zombie *grrr*, differently biotic, living impaired, dead head, corpsicle, whatever.
I have an older brother and sister and a little sister. Johnathan, Keagan, and Michii. Johnathan rarely speaks to me, my little sisters grandmother won't let her come near me. But my big sister Keagan still love and cares for me. My parents threw me out when I came back to life because of how I died. Which I will tell you later ^^.
This is me after my big sister (who I will show you later) bleached my hair, put my extensions on me, put tonz of make up on me to give me color, and dressed me in her clothes. I couldn't believe it was me when she showed me it. Of course though my friend Ben-Ben did edit alot for the color in my skin cause Im sooo pale.
I actually don't have any pictures that I am comfertable shareing over the internet of my big brother Johnathan or my little sister Michii so you will have to go on wondering
I'll post my zombie meme thing I got from this wonderful site here.
Traditionally of differently biotics alike should join that site. It is amazeing in every way imaginable. And I told you to. =P
On the note of that site you should also go read Tommy's blog if you don't already. Click here.
By the way if either of those sites don't work I would love it if you did me a favor and mention that when you comment. Cause you know your going to.
Well if I don't get side tracked there should be a new entry here every day or every other day. Depends on how busy I am after school starts tomorrow.
I will do an entry on how my school handles a differently biotic girl though. ^^
For now and always love,
~Bekki♥
I have an older brother and sister and a little sister. Johnathan, Keagan, and Michii. Johnathan rarely speaks to me, my little sisters grandmother won't let her come near me. But my big sister Keagan still love and cares for me. My parents threw me out when I came back to life because of how I died. Which I will tell you later ^^.
This is me after my big sister (who I will show you later) bleached my hair, put my extensions on me, put tonz of make up on me to give me color, and dressed me in her clothes. I couldn't believe it was me when she showed me it. Of course though my friend Ben-Ben did edit alot for the color in my skin cause Im sooo pale.
This is my sister Keagan, she is absolutely stunning. Be jealous! =P
I actually don't have any pictures that I am comfertable shareing over the internet of my big brother Johnathan or my little sister Michii so you will have to go on wondering
I'll post my zombie meme thing I got from this wonderful site here.
Traditionally of differently biotics alike should join that site. It is amazeing in every way imaginable. And I told you to. =P
On the note of that site you should also go read Tommy's blog if you don't already. Click here.
By the way if either of those sites don't work I would love it if you did me a favor and mention that when you comment. Cause you know your going to.
Well if I don't get side tracked there should be a new entry here every day or every other day. Depends on how busy I am after school starts tomorrow.
I will do an entry on how my school handles a differently biotic girl though. ^^
For now and always love,
~Bekki♥
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