Battles...

So theres this guy. I've known him for nearly three years. Online though. He lives in Australia. I've had a crush on him for as long as I can remember. Hes always pushed me away though, I could never help it. Well a little over a year ago he said he liked me too. And we've always been like that. Because hes a sexy australian every girl falls for and I'm not good enough.

Today. After I mentioned my birthday and he said he wanted to read my blog. He blew up at me. He told me to block and remove me from hes friend's list. I refused. I was scared that would make it mean forever. So he invited one of his friends to the conversation. His friend called me a fat whore and some other things. When he agreed to what his friend said my heart dropped. If I could I would have thrown up. But I can't eat...yet... So of course after five minuets of him yelling at me to F off and some other things I did as he told me to. I'm so sorry I wasn't everything he wanted. But I can't change me. No matter how hard I try.

When I blocked him. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I couldn't believe it. But I'm still to sad to do anything about it.

To clear something up, because I feel like a whore because of all the "love" in my blog. The 18 year old, we will call him Tommy. Tommy, I don't love him. I was just saying according to Terrel's definition I "love" him. The second guy. The guy I play frisbe with and stuff. We'll call him Randy, kay? I dated him once. I don't know how I feel about him. He was an odd relationship. I never really consider us to have ever dated. We never went on a date. We saw eachother at school back when he wasn't scared to talk to me in public. That came along when I died. I always thought after he dumped me. Maybe when we're a bit older. Maybe we could try again. Obviously thats not going to happen now. But I do love him... I'm just not inlove with him.

This guy. We'll call him Jared. I could have been inlove with Jared. He was talking about comeing to America. He was going to go see our friend who I'll call Perry. But he wasn't going to come see me. Thats when his love proved fake to me. Parry lives a state away from me. Parry doesn't like me much. Because Parry is bi with a gay crush on Jared. So Parry hates me. Because I've always been what stands between Parry and Jared. I would have moved if he would have ask. I would have done anything. All he had to do was ask.

I hear my parents fighting upstairs. And I hear my brother crying... I have to deal with this.

Love now and forever,
~Bekki♥