The Night I Died

I decided it would be okay to do this entry. I don't like talking about it. But I've heard shareing it makes you feel more "open".

So here it is.

I was about to take a shower. I was looking around on my counter for something to hold my hair up. I found this head ache medicine and got side tracked reading the back warning lable. Only take one and keep them separated some two hours from the last. If not something about it makeing your blood turn green that proves to be fatal. I looked at my anti depresants and this other medication my Dad bought me to help the voices subside. I poured them all into a cup and went into the shower setting the cup on the side of the tub.

I went about washing my hair and body as normal stareing at the cup the whole time. I think I was crying but I'm not sure. Finally I sat down letting the warm water roll over me. I looked down at the scars on my wrist. They looked so bulgey and pathetic. I put my hand in the cup and took a pill and swallowed it. Then another. One after another until the cup was empty. I took a drink of water and stood up. I ran my fingers through my hair to make sure there was no soap still in it. My vision was begining to blurr. I washed my face. As I rinsed it I was begining to feel dizzy. I held the side of the tub for support. Then I fell over. I was laying in the tub as I began to stop feeling the warm water. As I began to go numb.

I closed my eyes and thought about my birthday which was the day before. I thought about what high hopes I had for it. And how no one showed up. How my sister had ditched me because he friend had spent the night that night. It was begining to get hard to breath. My head felt like it was on fire. I thought about everyone who had ever rejected me. I laied there wishing that this would give the time they had wasted on me back. I thought of what a good deed I was doing. Then I relized. Is it worth it?

Thats when I died. I saw no light. Only darkness... I watched myself turn to gray in a dark nothing space. I felt my heart stop beating. I felt my blood go cold.