Dear Mr. Warden

No, I do not want him to read this. I'm just about to rant off about it like I'm talking to him kind if so I want you to be able to keep up. Lol. And this goes to anyone else who says it too.

There are many things I can rant to you about. But for the sake of my thumbs I'm going to focus on your statment "YOU DRESS LIKE THE DEAD!!"

Now I'm sure it goes without saying that this is a very childish commen that I would expect from my little brother, a 12-year old, which would be, not an acceptable remark, but acceptable for his age. You, however are a grown man of some 40+ year of age, and a parent at that who should carry the responsiblity of an adult. So for lack of a resposible way for me throwing your sad attempt to have my mother retaliate toward my "lack of love for god" that you so earnesly lied to her about, you choose to insult my wardrobe which is 100% more conservative than your daughters. Well to stear you away from looking like such a fool again I'll have you read into why your comment is so absurb. Unfortunately, there are not enough occasions for me to dress like the dead seeing as how I mostly find the casual jeans and a band tee more acceptable. You see, when you are dead you are dressed in one of three ways. One: you are in whatever outfit you died in which in a way your comment could be correct but it is simply impossible to say everyone dies in jeans and a band tee. Two: you are nekkid, which unless you pedo watch me undress and in the shower I do no where else, and infact is a more accurate term for your daughter who so proudly strips for so many young (and old) men. And three: you are dressed formally in your casket for a viewing in which I'm sure my mother would have me in a good Sunday best dress and I'm afraid I jus dontdress up formally that often.

Well Mr. Warden I find your acts that of a child or a teenage girl. Next time please hold yourself more respectably.

Oh let death come sweetly

I want to die

No I'm not one of those emos

I'm tired of beig taunted in life by thing I want and told I can't have them.

I want to be happy, but poeple only taunt me with happiness then take it away.

Stop taunting me, let me die peacefully.

Planning a date,
Bekki

Who do I talk to?

This whole getting dumped thing is really starting to get on my nervs. It's like, I used to always talk to him when I was upset and he'd make me feel soooo much better, but now I can't, and even if I try he just ignores me. It's like "hey, I wanna be friends but I don't want to act like one." And it really really sucks because he used to be my ultamate best friend and now he always ignore me. It's just like a low blow to take a friend and a boyfriend away from me at once.

Ugh, so school sucks. I'm acctually trying to whip this out before I have to leave so I don't keep thinking about it so intensly at school all day. I didn't do my stupid history homework so I'll get in trouble for that right early in the morning, yay. Erm, yah, i'll try to remember to post an entry about all the trouble my schools giving me and about how I'm leaving for sure next. Year and my mums mad I can't leave this year because they roally fucked up my schedual :/

My kitty loves me, she's acctually streatched out next to me right now purring. I love my baby.

Er, I'm cosplaying as pikachu for Halloween and for mechacon, but that's not for awhile. I'm going to LouisiANIME too so of your going you should tell me and we can totally be like "sup?" Yah, I'm cosplaying as a female Reno, Tifa, and my fursona. Me and Tora (Olivia) are going together. She's being madarro (?), Yuffie, and some chick from Ohrine HighSchool Host Club(?).

I'll be blogging about that more and more as things get near :)

Ugh, I do NOT want to go to school ): But I have too, sucks....

Love,
Bekki

Dumped ):

Yah, I got dumped on august 28th late at night. I cried...I cried alot actually. I didn't write anything because I was still holding we would get back together because we still act like we did before about alot of stuff but it's painfully obvious that whatever feelings he may or may not have actually had for me are regretably gone.

One thing I found ironically humerous was he complained that I didn't write on this anymore, but what I guess he didn't understand was I wrote on this to cope with my depression, but when I was with him I didn't have much to cope about. I was just happy and normal. But now I'm all stingy and hurt and need an outlet so I don't do anythig dirastic.

I'm cutting myself again much to my delema. I'm afraid its the only thing to numb the serring pain. Getting dumped sucks. My godawful nightmares are back, it takes all my will power to get to sleep at night. I have to hug myself ever so tightly so I don't collapse of a broken heart.

Silly, I know, I seem to always over react to these love things, but I really wanted to be with him forever.

God I'm a sap.

Xoxo,
Bekki

Long Time No See

Yes, yes I can see you .-.

Theres nothing really to update on this honestly. I'm in 10th grade now.... I unno... I made alot more friends, well, I started hanging out with alot more friends would be a better way to put it.

Erm, I look ALOT different:



My hairs not really black yet though :/

Erm, I unno, I has a boyfriend now :3 its been like, I dunno, he remembers.

Hes soooo perfect :3

Erm, ches, so, Ima just go now, eh?

Xoxo,
Bekki♥

P.S. I has my artz on DeviantART nowz.
http://bekkieh.deviantart.com/

Facebook DD:

So yea... I made a facebook a long while ago... Never got on it. Confuzzled me too bad :/ Now I get on it... So feel free to add me, preferably after telling me who you are ^-^

Ummm, I dunno how to link it so I'll link it later after I get someone to teach it to me DD:

On another note, I've been texting a certain person whom I think is positively amazing. Good thing I have Alex keeping my heart locked up xDDD

Kitty is doing good, shes been all over lately, we haven't hung out.

McLacey, whom I don't think I have talked about very much, has become my best female friend xD So yah. I'll post a picture of her up here sometime when we hang out again. She reads this a little so hiii Lacey ^-^

And I'm working on uploading a picture of Alex. He hates putting pictures of himself out there cause they always managed to get stolen. (Not bragging about his sexiness or shit, they really do just always get stolen so he avoids cameras all together *sigh* I'm still trying to get him to take a picture with me DD:). I promise I'll cry to them both. Maybe even Zack ;D

Happy Easter ((2010))

How bad is it to wish, and literly wish, death upon your mother and brother. I hate him, and even more then that I hate her for not being able to control him.

I know thats a horrible entry, but its how I feel right now, if the dead can even really feel.

I've been shunned off our little family Easter Egg Hunt and told to go cry up in my room because I refused to let my mother take a picture of me and I went inside after my brother continuously called me a retard.

Thats been his word lately, as if hes not creative enough to come up with something new (hes not). He called me a retard all last night until I hit him on the head, then my mum screamed at me for touching God's perfect fucking creation.

Yah... Up until that my Easter was going pretty good. I cooked dinner, well more like a late lunch.

Oh, and a quick update on yesterday and the day before that a so on.

For Good Friday I went to this guy whom called himself my boyfriend's house, Danny, my last post was inaccurate, I was in a good mood, and it quickly fell through. I told him he wasn't my type that night, because, well, frankly he wasn't...

Ugh, as I type my brother is going through what he got, its a wonder how much of a kiss ass one kid can be, and what a fucking push over one old bag can be. Makes me want to re slit my throat.

God help us all,
~Bekki♥

Nervousness and Over-preparation

Is it possible to die of nervousness and over-prepatation?

No you say?

I think I'm about to make it possible...

Why do I feel this way you ask?

Well careful asking stuff, curiousity melts the brain of the reader.

But I'll tell you just this once, only cause your so darn cute :P

Thursday: Bowling with friends, meting Sara's new boyfriend, carefull this doesn't happen that often :P ily Sara. It also might possible be my first date with my "boyfriend" Daniel Huffman.

Friday: Mums driveing me to Danny's house for a family crawfish boil in which I have to met his family x.x

Now why would I be makeing a big deal out of these little things?

I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT TO WEAR!!!

Ima die...Ima die...Ima die...

Oh wait....

I'm already dead ;DDD

Love now and always,
~Bekki♥

Ego-maniacs and Over-confidents

People who are "Ego-maniacs" or "over-confidents" make me sick to my stomach. Especially if they have nothing to flaunt.

Example:
I have nothing to flaunt, thus, I do not flaunt anything.

It makes me sick to my stomach to see people who have nothing to flaunt but flaunt away anyways. Looks like they need to be smacked down, lol.

Do any of you have a problem with this, or is it just me? :/ Help me out here. Am I really that different? Leave a comment or email me at littleblackpanda@yahoo.com

Love forever and always,
~Bekki♥

Everyone in a Straight Line Please

I can't stand in a line. I mean, I can stand in a line if your not picky. I can't stand directly behind or in front of people without alot of room, even then I can't have a person directly behind me. I just can't... I had a spaz out in 1st grade, I haven't had a problem since...until today... And I can stand in a line, I just have to stand at an angle from the people. Today we had to stand in a line alot... We had to get in a line going to this activity thing... That was the first occurrence. I wasn't trying to stand next to anyone, I wasn't trying to line up in a pair, I was just trying to get some space. I wasn't talking, I was being good, but she wouldn't stop fussing at me. I took deep breaths and closed my eyes long enough for her to leave me alone without any problems though... So it was all good... I did good the rest of the time... Until the end of the day of course... My school doesn't have a buss or anything, so your parents come pick you up or you walk home. Well my school decided it would move quicker if we stood in a line with our grade... I can't stand in a line. Mrs. Smit asked me what was wrong. I started freaking out. I was trying to keep it under control. She made me move to the back. I thanked god, but I was all by myself. And the kept calling me up to talk to her. She asked me what was wrong. She asked me why. She kept talking to me. I couldn't stand it. I kept it almost okay, but I was crying. Not bawling, just sniffling and stuff. Then she accused me of how I handles 1st - 5th grade. I wanted to yell at her that I did freak out in 1st grade, and how no other teacher scolded me for standing at a slight angle. But I was biting my lip. It was horrible. I ran to my car when my dad finally got there.

Spaz Attack: Breathing fast and hard, biting my lip and nails, crying, sniffling, shaking, trembling, stuttering, sweating, and if taken to the extreme I break down into the fetal position.

I'm tempted to ask my mum or dad to wright a note, but it isn't exactly something she's always known about. It's never been a big deal, but I can't handle this again, it might exceed. I can't break up. I hate breaking up...

Love now and always,
~Bekki♥

In the Essence of Waiting

I could never have a wedding ceremony. I can't even handle a full high school homecoming when I feel like everyone is watching me. Talking about me. Judging me. My fat ass in my stupid dress, pretending like I almost look semi okay. Ugh, I could never handle a wedding, where I know everyone is staring at me. I'd die. But its my dream to get married. I want to be a wife. I want to be a mother. On my fourteenth birthday I said, and I still believe, "I was born in the wrong era. I want to be where fourteen means marriage, not high school."

I hate high school. I hate people. They're so cruel, so judgmental. What kinda of decent person has to intentionally be mean, be heartless, to judge someone just so they can feel that much better about themselves. I hate people. I hate all of them, and your kidding yourself if you think your any different. School is a nightmare. Its awful. It kills. School kills decent people all the time.

Love now and always,
~Bekki♥

A moment in time featuring Alex and Zack 01

Bekki: "I am Bekki the lion fierce ruler of the universe!" *weilds her stick around at Alex*

Zack: "More so Bekki the lamb." *chuckles*

Alex: *stands over Bekki takeing her stick* "I heard Bekki the lame."

Bekki: "Your just jealous" *pouts*

Zack: Of what?

Alex: *mocking bekki in key with her* "My mad skills!!!"

Bekki: "..... you suck"

lol, this happened in the woods yesterday when I was walking with Alex and Zack to Fritichi. It was freaking cold :O lol I thought it was funny.

Alex: Hes Zack's "like a brother" friend whom is 7'3, 170 lb and 17 years old. I luffers him sooo much!

Zack: My older brother's friend who watches after me since he moved away. Hes 6'11-7 something in there 210 lb, and 21-22 years old. I love him sooo much!

Long time no posting

Mmm how many times do I have to say Im sorry, you already know I am. I'm afriad this might not be a long post though seeing as I'm on my iPod touch. Oh yes, I blew $200+ on this stupid thing. And i loveee it :))) lol so yah. I'm now very very good about checking my email. So email me at littleblackpanda@yahoo.com

Please? I love hearing from you guys :))) Please? It makes me smile so very much... :D

Biology Notes

God I'm devious.

Why do I say this? Biology class was killer :D

So this girl Christine who sits next to me (Shes kinda two faced, but hell shes got a million friends cause shes rollin' in it. But shes pretty okay I guess.) was in the office, so Randy, who is blinder then a bat but too cool to wear his glasses, comes up and sits next to me cause he can't see to take notes. I move as far away from him as possible, which wasn't really all that far. Anyways, I continued writing my notes like a good student, of course I'm a decently fast writer, so whenever I had a break I wrote all down the sides of the pages (all four pages front and back, thank you Mrs. Airheart) with swirly girly letters and hearts "Aaron Smith." You shoulda saw his face!

By the way, this is Aaron :D


Not the best picture of him, but its the only one I really have on my computer at the moment :)

Isn't he adorable though?

Oh, I watched the Lovely Bones last night. Yea, I bought my first pirated film. $5. Yea, I coulda just watched it online for free, but I wanted to watch it in my room by my self. Not in a big theater with thousands of people of whom I do not know. Makes me feel too lonely.

Anyways back on Biology, my right arm would brush his while I was writing, it killed me how warm he was and how much I would have just rathered cuddle into his arms, for his body heat and slow, steady pulse. Anyways, I'm makeing progress. Saturday is homecomeing... I'm not eating, trying to lose weight so I don't look so big in my dress, I'm also whitening my stained yellow teeth :/ Its from not breathing I think.

Anyways, aren't you proud of me for acting like more of a girl? Lol

Love now and always,
~Bekki♥

There are raindrops on roses, and girls in white dresses
Its sleeping with roaches and taking back
Shed off her sheets and before all the stage
And a few more of your least favorite things

Contest?

I'm going to have a contest. Interested? My email is littleblackpanda@yahoo.com, as if you haven't heard that enough. But enough of me rableing, more about the contest!

Its a banner contest, I know your all so very very talented. I want you to make a banner for this blog (or my other blog if you'd rather). Now there are some rules in which I will list below.

1. No stealing other peoples pictures, I would prefer you put a picture of me somewhere in there, in which if you email me I will gladly send you some, or a link where you can get some. My myspace is always open, Bekkiehhh.

2. No folger images or text.

3. It must say somewhere on there talesofadeadgirl.blogspot.com or intheeyesofthebeholder.com if your doing it for my other blog.

4. Banner sized. Longer then width, you know what I mean.

5. You have to sign it somewhere, or something like that.

6. Have fun o-o Or else >.>

When you are done just email it to me, or leave it as a comment below.

Now this contest has no dead line, so I'll still take entrys a year from now. That doesn't mean I won't pick a winner. I will just put up the one I like best as they come in (which will be rather slow seeing as I have so fans). But yes. As a reward you will get a pat on the head. :)))

No, actually, I will praise you for your amazing work and put it up for the banner on the blog. ^^

Love now and always,
~Bekki♥

A new year

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I think we should be getting to the point in our little relationship that I shouldn't have to say sorry. You should already know I am. Anyways, as an apology I'm going to show you my drawings. Because as you know I got a tablet for Christmas. And I got my friend to hack openCanvas so now I have a never ending free trial. xD



That's me :D



That's Lacey :D



That's me and Kitty's depiction of the Hatter and the White Rabbit. We're writing a sequel to Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. Down the Rabbits Hole :D



That's our depiction of the Cheshire Cat (not finished though cause openCanvas is being a butt).



Another Cheshire Cat :D (I colored him but openCanvas is being a butt :/).

Love now and always,
~Bekki♥